I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
