I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
