Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize