i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
