Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
