im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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