I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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