I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
