She is in my trunk
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
