Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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