It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
The adults are the big ones right?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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