One girl and one boy is just not enough.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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