Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
