I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize