i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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