i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
