You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize