I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
