I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
