I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize