I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
