Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
