I think I am morally bankrupt
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I'm getting married
To pizza
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
