I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
