There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
