I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
