HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
