who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
