at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
