My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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