just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
