Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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