drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
