just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
