Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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