drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
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