if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
