It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
