The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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