We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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