I think scott just propositioned me for sex
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
