Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
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