Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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