Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
