Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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