matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
