dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
