i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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