why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
