I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
