I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
