did you get engaged???
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
