Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
