...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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