How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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