Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
