I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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