I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
