Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
