i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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