The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Randomize
