1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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