it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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