Midget sex pt 2 tonight
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
