Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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