Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
