Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
