ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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