You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
BRING THE BAGELS
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
