I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
