I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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