i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
