Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
